Why Your Brain Turns Your Partner Into An Enemy - Stan Tatkin

The gist

1. Unrepaired conflicts encode into long-term threat memory within 30 minutes, so apologize quickly for what your partner felt, not what you intended.
2. Love alone is not enough; couples need a shared purpose and written or spoken agreements because feelings fluctuate but principles hold.
3. Tatkin says to plan for your worst moments, not your best, by identifying failure points together and building guardrails before stress hits.
4. Real incompatibility is only about major values like children or monogamy, not surface differences, but attachment biology can override that judgment.