“Stop speaking in code”
Chris Williamson and Max Butterfield discuss why people communicate indirectly through coded messages, how this starts in childhood, and why it differs between men and women.
The gist
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Indirect communication is self-protective but backfires because it stops others from actually meeting your needs.
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Direct communication is a learnable skill, and younger people tend to have less of it due to ingrained childhood habits.
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Women have historically faced greater penalties for speaking openly, which passed down indirect communication strategies that persist today.
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Female intrasexual competition tends to use elaborate, multi-step indirect tactics with plausible deniability rather than direct confrontation.
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